A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track.
The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange. You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the
train go its way?
Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make: Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. Exactly, to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally. But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place?
Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was.. This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are. The child who chose not to play with the rest on the operational
track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him.
The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train's sirens.. If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track! Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up
sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.
While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one.
Remember that what's right isn't always popular... And what's popular isn't always right.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
THE COLD WITHIN
Six humans trapped by happenstance
In black and bitter cold.
Each one possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story's told.
Their dying fire in need of logs,
The first woman held hers back
For on the faces around the fire,
She noticed one was black.
The next man looking cross the way
Saw one not of his church,
And couldn't bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.
The third man sat in tattered clothes;
He gave his coat a hitch.
Why should his log be put to use
To warm the idle rich?
The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store.
And how to keep what he had earned
From the lazy poor.
The black man's face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from his sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white.
And the last man of this forlorn group
Did naught except for gain.
Giving only to those who gave
Was how he played the game.
The logs held tight in death's still hands
Was proof of human sin.
They didn't die from the cold without,
They died from the cold within.
-AUTHOR UNKNOWN-
In black and bitter cold.
Each one possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story's told.
Their dying fire in need of logs,
The first woman held hers back
For on the faces around the fire,
She noticed one was black.
The next man looking cross the way
Saw one not of his church,
And couldn't bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.
The third man sat in tattered clothes;
He gave his coat a hitch.
Why should his log be put to use
To warm the idle rich?
The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store.
And how to keep what he had earned
From the lazy poor.
The black man's face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from his sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white.
And the last man of this forlorn group
Did naught except for gain.
Giving only to those who gave
Was how he played the game.
The logs held tight in death's still hands
Was proof of human sin.
They didn't die from the cold without,
They died from the cold within.
-AUTHOR UNKNOWN-
Friday, February 12, 2010
TIME TO FLY
Once upon a time there was a little boy who was raised in an orphanage.
The little boy had always wished that he could fly like a bird. It was very difficult for him to understand why he could not fly. There were birds at the zoo that were much bigger than he, and they could fly. "Why can't I?" he thought. "Is there something wrong with me?" he wondered.
There was another little boy who was crippled. He had always wished that he could walk and run like other little boys and girls. "Why can't I be like them?" he thought.
One day the little orphan boy, who had wanted to fly like a bird, ran away from the orphanage. He came upon a park where he saw the little boy, who could not walk or run, playing in the sandbox.
He ran over to the little boy and asked him if he had ever wanted to fly like a bird.
"No," said the little boy who could not walk or run. "But I have wondered what it would be like to walk and run like other boys and girls."
"That is very sad," said the little boy who wanted to fly. "Do you think we could be friends?" he said to the little boy in the sandbox.
"Sure," said the little boy.
The two little boys played for hours. They made sand castles and made really funny sounds with their mouths. Sounds which made them laugh real hard. Then the little boy's father came with a wheelchair to pick up his son. The little boy who had always wanted to fly ran over to the boy's father and whispered something into his ear.
"That would be OK," said the man.
The little boy who had always wanted to fly like a bird ran over to his new friend and said, "You are my only friend and I wish that there was something that I could do to make you walk and run like other little boys and girls. But I can't. But there is something that I can do for you."
The little orphan boy turned around and told his new friend to slide up onto his back. He then began to run across the grass. Faster and faster he ran, carrying the little crippled boy on his back. Faster and harder he ran across the park. Harder and harder he made his legs travel. Soon the wind just whistled across the two little boys' faces.
The little boy's father began to cry as he watched his beautiful little crippled son flapping his arms up and down in the wind, all the while yelling at the top of his voice,
-Written by Roger Dear Kiser, Sr.-
The little boy had always wished that he could fly like a bird. It was very difficult for him to understand why he could not fly. There were birds at the zoo that were much bigger than he, and they could fly. "Why can't I?" he thought. "Is there something wrong with me?" he wondered.
There was another little boy who was crippled. He had always wished that he could walk and run like other little boys and girls. "Why can't I be like them?" he thought.
One day the little orphan boy, who had wanted to fly like a bird, ran away from the orphanage. He came upon a park where he saw the little boy, who could not walk or run, playing in the sandbox.
He ran over to the little boy and asked him if he had ever wanted to fly like a bird.
"No," said the little boy who could not walk or run. "But I have wondered what it would be like to walk and run like other boys and girls."
"That is very sad," said the little boy who wanted to fly. "Do you think we could be friends?" he said to the little boy in the sandbox.
"Sure," said the little boy.
The two little boys played for hours. They made sand castles and made really funny sounds with their mouths. Sounds which made them laugh real hard. Then the little boy's father came with a wheelchair to pick up his son. The little boy who had always wanted to fly ran over to the boy's father and whispered something into his ear.
"That would be OK," said the man.
The little boy who had always wanted to fly like a bird ran over to his new friend and said, "You are my only friend and I wish that there was something that I could do to make you walk and run like other little boys and girls. But I can't. But there is something that I can do for you."
The little orphan boy turned around and told his new friend to slide up onto his back. He then began to run across the grass. Faster and faster he ran, carrying the little crippled boy on his back. Faster and harder he ran across the park. Harder and harder he made his legs travel. Soon the wind just whistled across the two little boys' faces.
The little boy's father began to cry as he watched his beautiful little crippled son flapping his arms up and down in the wind, all the while yelling at the top of his voice,
-Written by Roger Dear Kiser, Sr.-
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
A LOVE STORY
A Valentine Love Story
Life was pretty great after thirty years of marriage. We had married young and raised each other. Pete was 49 years old and I was 48. It had been a blessed, loving, happy marriage, raising three children and having two grandchildren already. It took work and compromise, and being in the company of each other came so naturally. There was no strain, no feeling the need to entertain, just living and loving, sometimes struggling with finances or problems, but always coming together with support for each other.
The last two of our three children had gotten married that summer. They had their spouses and their lives now. Pete had said, "Well, we've gone full circle, Baby. It's back to you and me, right where we started. We're not gonna' work so hard. We're gonna' travel. We'll ride Amtrak out to Los Angeles to the Gene Autry Museum and do a little sightseeing on the way. Yep, We've gone full circle, back to you and me".
That was the beginning of October. By February 13, we had gone full circle back to only me, myself. Pete was dead, gone, deceased from this earth. I had loved him as a part of my own soul. He was a loving, hard-working husband who treated me and the kids with love and respect. He was always doing "random acts of kindness". He was my friend, my love, my confidante, my spiritual bosom buddy. How could I live without him? How could the sun even rise without him here? How could the world go on when the center of the whole universe was gone? My heart was racing. It was hard to breathe. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I sobbed until all the muscles in my body ached. I lay down across the bed and went to sleep.
The next morning I woke in a panic. I recalled the dream I had just awakened from. It seemed so real. I wondered where Pete was. He hardly ever got up before me. Maybe he was in the kitchen making coffee or outside piddling around. Then it hit me that he was gone. It wasn't a dream. He was dead, gone, his soul departed, passed on - all of the euphemistic ways there is to say it, but none hurt any less. I couldn't get air in my lungs. I gasped for oxygen.
I jumped up from the bed, threw back the covers and ran to Pete's closet. There were his clothes, hanging there neatly. Khaki pants, jeans, dress pants, plaid shirts, white shirts, his coveralls - after all plumbers need coveralls when they have to work outside and in unfinished houses and cold buildings. He had worked hard all his life. He had to drop out of school because of poverty, he had hauled pulpwood for a while, then luckily got a job as a helper with the only plumber in his little small hometown in South Alabama.
Then I remembered that he lay alone in a casket, buried under the cold dead ground at the cemetery. He didn't need coveralls there. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to die instead of him. I implored God how He could have taken Pete and left me to cope without him. It wasn't right. I screamed. I yelled. I beat the walls. I took a chair and threw it into his closet, knocking half his clothes off the racks. Ashamed of myself, I went over and moved the chair. I gently, tenderly picked up the fallen strewn clothes and hung them back up. As I placed the hangers on the rods, my eyes caught a glimmer of red cellophane paper. What was that, I wondered?
I reached up on the shelf above the hangers and pulled down a heart-shaped box covered with red cellophane. I knew what it was and my heart burst with grief and sorrow. It was Pete's box of candy for me and I remembered that this was past Valentine's Day, February 17. He had bought this for me and was giving it to me from the grave. There was a card attached that said "To My Honey", with a pictures of some bees inside. In his crude handwriting, which was never beautiful to anyone except me, he had written, "To my dear wife, I love you Baby. Love, Pete".
It was at that moment that I went down on my knees with my face to the floor and sobbed until I was weak. But as I sobbed, it was like a fog in my mind had moved out and I could think clearly for the first time since I saw him take his last breath. I knew there was hope that I would see him again. I knew I had to live a life so that I would be with him where he was. The heart-shaped box reminded me that there was someone else who loved me even more than Pete did and he had sacrificed Himself for me so that I could see Pete again. He had given me hope and victory over death.
It's been hard to live without Pete, because I had been married to him two-thirds of my life. I honestly believe that Pete is one of my angels who look over me. He left this earth twelve years ago on February 11, but he still lives in the face of our children. His generosity lives in the mission of my son who recently went into the ministry. He lives in the loving arms of my grandchildren who cling to me and make me feel so needed. He lives in the face of the students I teach, because children naturally bonded to him and he loved them dearly. He lives in every sun that rises and every moon that sets, and one day when God is ready for me, when my work on earth is done, I'll be with Pete again, and with my Father in Heaven.
Pearl Watley Mitchell
Author of
Don't Run for President with Skeletons in Your Closet
Life was pretty great after thirty years of marriage. We had married young and raised each other. Pete was 49 years old and I was 48. It had been a blessed, loving, happy marriage, raising three children and having two grandchildren already. It took work and compromise, and being in the company of each other came so naturally. There was no strain, no feeling the need to entertain, just living and loving, sometimes struggling with finances or problems, but always coming together with support for each other.
The last two of our three children had gotten married that summer. They had their spouses and their lives now. Pete had said, "Well, we've gone full circle, Baby. It's back to you and me, right where we started. We're not gonna' work so hard. We're gonna' travel. We'll ride Amtrak out to Los Angeles to the Gene Autry Museum and do a little sightseeing on the way. Yep, We've gone full circle, back to you and me".
That was the beginning of October. By February 13, we had gone full circle back to only me, myself. Pete was dead, gone, deceased from this earth. I had loved him as a part of my own soul. He was a loving, hard-working husband who treated me and the kids with love and respect. He was always doing "random acts of kindness". He was my friend, my love, my confidante, my spiritual bosom buddy. How could I live without him? How could the sun even rise without him here? How could the world go on when the center of the whole universe was gone? My heart was racing. It was hard to breathe. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I sobbed until all the muscles in my body ached. I lay down across the bed and went to sleep.
The next morning I woke in a panic. I recalled the dream I had just awakened from. It seemed so real. I wondered where Pete was. He hardly ever got up before me. Maybe he was in the kitchen making coffee or outside piddling around. Then it hit me that he was gone. It wasn't a dream. He was dead, gone, his soul departed, passed on - all of the euphemistic ways there is to say it, but none hurt any less. I couldn't get air in my lungs. I gasped for oxygen.
I jumped up from the bed, threw back the covers and ran to Pete's closet. There were his clothes, hanging there neatly. Khaki pants, jeans, dress pants, plaid shirts, white shirts, his coveralls - after all plumbers need coveralls when they have to work outside and in unfinished houses and cold buildings. He had worked hard all his life. He had to drop out of school because of poverty, he had hauled pulpwood for a while, then luckily got a job as a helper with the only plumber in his little small hometown in South Alabama.
Then I remembered that he lay alone in a casket, buried under the cold dead ground at the cemetery. He didn't need coveralls there. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to die instead of him. I implored God how He could have taken Pete and left me to cope without him. It wasn't right. I screamed. I yelled. I beat the walls. I took a chair and threw it into his closet, knocking half his clothes off the racks. Ashamed of myself, I went over and moved the chair. I gently, tenderly picked up the fallen strewn clothes and hung them back up. As I placed the hangers on the rods, my eyes caught a glimmer of red cellophane paper. What was that, I wondered?
I reached up on the shelf above the hangers and pulled down a heart-shaped box covered with red cellophane. I knew what it was and my heart burst with grief and sorrow. It was Pete's box of candy for me and I remembered that this was past Valentine's Day, February 17. He had bought this for me and was giving it to me from the grave. There was a card attached that said "To My Honey", with a pictures of some bees inside. In his crude handwriting, which was never beautiful to anyone except me, he had written, "To my dear wife, I love you Baby. Love, Pete".
It was at that moment that I went down on my knees with my face to the floor and sobbed until I was weak. But as I sobbed, it was like a fog in my mind had moved out and I could think clearly for the first time since I saw him take his last breath. I knew there was hope that I would see him again. I knew I had to live a life so that I would be with him where he was. The heart-shaped box reminded me that there was someone else who loved me even more than Pete did and he had sacrificed Himself for me so that I could see Pete again. He had given me hope and victory over death.
It's been hard to live without Pete, because I had been married to him two-thirds of my life. I honestly believe that Pete is one of my angels who look over me. He left this earth twelve years ago on February 11, but he still lives in the face of our children. His generosity lives in the mission of my son who recently went into the ministry. He lives in the loving arms of my grandchildren who cling to me and make me feel so needed. He lives in the face of the students I teach, because children naturally bonded to him and he loved them dearly. He lives in every sun that rises and every moon that sets, and one day when God is ready for me, when my work on earth is done, I'll be with Pete again, and with my Father in Heaven.
Pearl Watley Mitchell
Author of
Don't Run for President with Skeletons in Your Closet
Monday, February 8, 2010
A VALENTINE'S DAY TALE
A year ago today, I had lunch with my boyfriend and took the opportunity to complain to him.
"Today is Valentine's Day. Why didn't you give me any flowers?" He raised his eyebrow.
"Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone."
"Then.. you should at least give me a card!" I pouted my lips, hurt by his tone.
"I know, I know. After lunch, I'll send you an e-card."
"E-card??" That sounds so impersonal, but that's the way he is.
"You have to e-mail it to me. I'll be waiting."
I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail.
Even though he wouldn't use any romantic words, I still looked forward to the card.
"I'm going back to work. Hurry and send me the card!"
As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my computer and got online. Staring at the empty inbox, I began to reminisce about how we met. Maybe no one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. Our homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were kids, we liked to fight with each other all day long. We were only neighbors. At that time, I hated my parents for making us live next to him. At that time, I had a crush on a senior. After a while, I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I cried about it, he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms.
"I told you he wasn't any good." He roughly comforted me.
I cried in his arms the whole night, and began to see him in a different way. Things began to change between us. We still fought all the time, but he started to look at me differently. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. We both knew: we fell in love with each other.
Even with this knowledge, neither of us said anything. Even though we would not be able to resist and kissed each other constantly.
Even though we cared about each other's every moves. Both of us refused to admit our love. Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn't say we loved each other. We didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine's Day. That night, he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day from then on. I have to say that he was very arrogant. But I nodded and accepted his request. Since then, we spent every Valentine's Day together. On the surface, we may have left each other. But in reality, we were still together. We spent every Valentine's Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints.
Still facing the empty inbox, I suddenly grew very angry. He wouldn't say it and wouldn't send me a card. What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone.
"Hello." He picked up the phone.
"I didn't receive the card." I immediately showed my pleasure.
"You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy.
"But I sent it." He was really busy but I didn't care.
"I didn't receive it. Send it again."
"Okay, I'll send you 100 times. Is that good enough??" He said with impatience. His tone further infuriated me. Is that how lovers speak to each other?
"Don't bother sending it to me. And you don't have to pick me up tonight. I'll eat dinner by myself."
"Don't be childish, ok? I'm really busy."
"I am childish!" I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks. Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation?
We've gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine's Day together. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a little e-card. Is that too much to ask for?? I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I didn't want to hear his explanations.
After I returned to the hospital, I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. I wanted to concentrate on work. Because there were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument.
"Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient." As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney.
"What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. He was covered with blood.
"Car accident." The medic replied.
"Very serious. He may die." I nodded and ran to the operating room with them.
When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped.
"Prepare for shock." I calmly instructed the nurses. Saving people is our duty. We can't and shouldn't lose our calm. But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm. That person was my BOYFRIEND!
"NO..." I stood in shock. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body. His body bounced up and down from the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.
I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never showed me his love.
I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a card. He couldn't die! I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would revive him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even say "It hurts". He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his silence.
Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn't see clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth.
"It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm sorry." Dr. Jian patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together once. I introduced them.
"He can't die." I shook my head. "He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him.
"Dr. SHU, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped me. "I understand what you're going through, but you're a doctor."
Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit? Besides, he still owed me a card.
"I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body.
"Take her away!"
That day, I lost my control and my professionalism. And that day happened to be Valentine's Day. Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day. They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me several times but couldn't reach me. Worried, he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way. When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him. Just because of an unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my privilege to be childish. Like an abandoned cat,I couldn't even cry anymore.
After his death, I couldn't cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't affect me anymore. I turned on computer after a year later, even though I know no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day. GOSH....I have.... 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail? I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail, and this one said: "Because of system error, we could not send these until today. We apologize for the delay." The sender was my BOYFRIEND!!! I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year's Valentine's Day. My heart began to beat fast. Could he have sent these? With a trembling hand, I opened the mail.
The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to play...."Only Love". I couldn't believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost thought I was in a? fantasy.
Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful poem. "Only love can make a memory. Only love can make a moment last. You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs unsung and I remember you then when love was all, all you were living for, and how you gave that love to me...."
The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was alive,my world was so young. Every day, I could find a something different to fight with him about. But after he left, my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away. When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard. I replied 100 times, and "Only Love" played 100 times.
In this cold Valentine's night, the line that's been broken for LAST ONE YEAR finally got RECONNECTED.
---------------------------------------------------------------
"Today is Valentine's Day. Why didn't you give me any flowers?" He raised his eyebrow.
"Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone."
"Then.. you should at least give me a card!" I pouted my lips, hurt by his tone.
"I know, I know. After lunch, I'll send you an e-card."
"E-card??" That sounds so impersonal, but that's the way he is.
"You have to e-mail it to me. I'll be waiting."
I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail.
Even though he wouldn't use any romantic words, I still looked forward to the card.
"I'm going back to work. Hurry and send me the card!"
As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my computer and got online. Staring at the empty inbox, I began to reminisce about how we met. Maybe no one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. Our homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were kids, we liked to fight with each other all day long. We were only neighbors. At that time, I hated my parents for making us live next to him. At that time, I had a crush on a senior. After a while, I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I cried about it, he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms.
"I told you he wasn't any good." He roughly comforted me.
I cried in his arms the whole night, and began to see him in a different way. Things began to change between us. We still fought all the time, but he started to look at me differently. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. We both knew: we fell in love with each other.
Even with this knowledge, neither of us said anything. Even though we would not be able to resist and kissed each other constantly.
Even though we cared about each other's every moves. Both of us refused to admit our love. Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn't say we loved each other. We didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine's Day. That night, he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day from then on. I have to say that he was very arrogant. But I nodded and accepted his request. Since then, we spent every Valentine's Day together. On the surface, we may have left each other. But in reality, we were still together. We spent every Valentine's Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints.
Still facing the empty inbox, I suddenly grew very angry. He wouldn't say it and wouldn't send me a card. What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone.
"Hello." He picked up the phone.
"I didn't receive the card." I immediately showed my pleasure.
"You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy.
"But I sent it." He was really busy but I didn't care.
"I didn't receive it. Send it again."
"Okay, I'll send you 100 times. Is that good enough??" He said with impatience. His tone further infuriated me. Is that how lovers speak to each other?
"Don't bother sending it to me. And you don't have to pick me up tonight. I'll eat dinner by myself."
"Don't be childish, ok? I'm really busy."
"I am childish!" I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks. Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation?
We've gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine's Day together. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a little e-card. Is that too much to ask for?? I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I didn't want to hear his explanations.
After I returned to the hospital, I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. I wanted to concentrate on work. Because there were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument.
"Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient." As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney.
"What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. He was covered with blood.
"Car accident." The medic replied.
"Very serious. He may die." I nodded and ran to the operating room with them.
When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped.
"Prepare for shock." I calmly instructed the nurses. Saving people is our duty. We can't and shouldn't lose our calm. But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm. That person was my BOYFRIEND!
"NO..." I stood in shock. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body. His body bounced up and down from the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.
I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never showed me his love.
I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a card. He couldn't die! I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would revive him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even say "It hurts". He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his silence.
Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn't see clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth.
"It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm sorry." Dr. Jian patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together once. I introduced them.
"He can't die." I shook my head. "He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him.
"Dr. SHU, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped me. "I understand what you're going through, but you're a doctor."
Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit? Besides, he still owed me a card.
"I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body.
"Take her away!"
That day, I lost my control and my professionalism. And that day happened to be Valentine's Day. Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day. They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me several times but couldn't reach me. Worried, he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way. When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him. Just because of an unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my privilege to be childish. Like an abandoned cat,I couldn't even cry anymore.
After his death, I couldn't cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't affect me anymore. I turned on computer after a year later, even though I know no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day. GOSH....I have.... 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail? I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail, and this one said: "Because of system error, we could not send these until today. We apologize for the delay." The sender was my BOYFRIEND!!! I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year's Valentine's Day. My heart began to beat fast. Could he have sent these? With a trembling hand, I opened the mail.
The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to play...."Only Love". I couldn't believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost thought I was in a? fantasy.
Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful poem. "Only love can make a memory. Only love can make a moment last. You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs unsung and I remember you then when love was all, all you were living for, and how you gave that love to me...."
The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was alive,my world was so young. Every day, I could find a something different to fight with him about. But after he left, my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away. When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard. I replied 100 times, and "Only Love" played 100 times.
In this cold Valentine's night, the line that's been broken for LAST ONE YEAR finally got RECONNECTED.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
AN ENDLESS LOVE
In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan tore open the wall. Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls. When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stuck there because a nail from outside was hammered into one of its feet. He saw this, felt pity, and at the same time he was curious. When he checked the nail, turns out, it was nailed 10 years ago when the house was first built.
What happened?
The lizard had survived in such a position for 10 years! In a dark wall partition for 10 years without moving, it is impossible and mind boggling. Then he wondered how this lizard survived for 10 years without moving a single step--since its foot was nailed!
So he stopped his work and observed the lizard, what it had been doing, and what and how it has been eating. Later, not knowing from where it came, appeared another lizard, with food in its mouth.
Ahh! He was stunned and at the same time, touched deeply. Another lizard had been feeding the stuck one for the past 10 years...
Such love, such a beautiful love! Such love happened with this tiny creature...
What can love do?
It can do wonders!
Love can do miracles!
Just think about it; one lizard had been feeding the other one
untiringly for 10 long years, without giving up hope on its partner.
If a small creature like a lizard can love like this... just imagine how we can love if we try.
*This is a true story that happened in Japan.*
- Author Unknown -
What happened?
The lizard had survived in such a position for 10 years! In a dark wall partition for 10 years without moving, it is impossible and mind boggling. Then he wondered how this lizard survived for 10 years without moving a single step--since its foot was nailed!
So he stopped his work and observed the lizard, what it had been doing, and what and how it has been eating. Later, not knowing from where it came, appeared another lizard, with food in its mouth.
Ahh! He was stunned and at the same time, touched deeply. Another lizard had been feeding the stuck one for the past 10 years...
Such love, such a beautiful love! Such love happened with this tiny creature...
What can love do?
It can do wonders!
Love can do miracles!
Just think about it; one lizard had been feeding the other one
untiringly for 10 long years, without giving up hope on its partner.
If a small creature like a lizard can love like this... just imagine how we can love if we try.
*This is a true story that happened in Japan.*
- Author Unknown -
Thursday, February 4, 2010
HEAVEN AND HELL
A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, "Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like."
The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
But the people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell.'
They then went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, "I don’t understand."
"It is simple" said the Lord, "In this place the people have learned to feed one another."
The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
But the people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell.'
They then went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, "I don’t understand."
"It is simple" said the Lord, "In this place the people have learned to feed one another."
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
EASY OR DIFFICULT?
Easy is to get a place in someone's address book
Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart
Easy is to judge the mistakes of someone
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes
Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue
Easy is to hurt someone who loves us
Difficult is to heal the wound...
Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness
Easy is to set rules
Difficult is to follow them...
Easy is to dream every night
Difficult is to fight for a dream.....
Easy is to show victory
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...
Easy is to admire a full moon
Difficult to see the other side....
Easy is to stumble with a stone
Difficult is to get up...
Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult is to give its real value..
Easy is to promise something to someone
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...
Easy is to say we love
Difficult is to show it every day...
Easy is to criticize others
Difficult is to improve oneself...
Easy is to make mistakes
Difficult is to learn from them...
Easy is to weep for a lost love
Difficult is to take care of it so you wont lose it.
Easy is to think about improving
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action....
Easy is to think bad of someone
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...
Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give
Easy is to keep friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings.
-Author Unknown-
Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart
Easy is to judge the mistakes of someone
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes
Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue
Easy is to hurt someone who loves us
Difficult is to heal the wound...
Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness
Easy is to set rules
Difficult is to follow them...
Easy is to dream every night
Difficult is to fight for a dream.....
Easy is to show victory
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...
Easy is to admire a full moon
Difficult to see the other side....
Easy is to stumble with a stone
Difficult is to get up...
Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult is to give its real value..
Easy is to promise something to someone
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...
Easy is to say we love
Difficult is to show it every day...
Easy is to criticize others
Difficult is to improve oneself...
Easy is to make mistakes
Difficult is to learn from them...
Easy is to weep for a lost love
Difficult is to take care of it so you wont lose it.
Easy is to think about improving
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action....
Easy is to think bad of someone
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...
Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give
Easy is to keep friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings.
-Author Unknown-
Monday, February 1, 2010
Paying last respects
One day not too long ago the employees of a large company in St. Louis, Missouri returned from their lunch break and were greeted with a sign on the front door. The sign said: "Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral in the room that has been prepared in the gym."
At first everyone was sad to hear that one of their colleagues had died, but after a while they started getting curious about who this person might be.
The excitement grew as the employees arrived at the gym to pay their last respects. Everyone wondered: "Who is this person who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he's no longer here!"
One by one the employees got closer to the coffin and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless. They stood over the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.
There was a mirror inside the coffin: everyone who looked inside it could see himself. There was also a sign next to the mirror that said: "There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: it is YOU.
You are the only person who can revolutionize your life. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and your success. You are the only person who can help yourself.
Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your parents change, when your partner changes, when your company changes. Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life.
"The most important relationship you can have, is the one you have with yourself."
-Author Unknown-
At first everyone was sad to hear that one of their colleagues had died, but after a while they started getting curious about who this person might be.
The excitement grew as the employees arrived at the gym to pay their last respects. Everyone wondered: "Who is this person who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he's no longer here!"
One by one the employees got closer to the coffin and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless. They stood over the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.
There was a mirror inside the coffin: everyone who looked inside it could see himself. There was also a sign next to the mirror that said: "There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: it is YOU.
You are the only person who can revolutionize your life. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and your success. You are the only person who can help yourself.
Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your parents change, when your partner changes, when your company changes. Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life.
"The most important relationship you can have, is the one you have with yourself."
-Author Unknown-
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