Sunday, August 16, 2009

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?'

In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love...Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage,the euphoria(excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passiveor spontaneous experience. It'll NEVERjust happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression 'the labor of love.'

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes W IS DOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.

Remember this always:

'God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'

-Author Unknown-

P.S. My new blog posts are currently not updated in other blogrolls. It appears to be a Blogger issue. Kindly check the sidebar for the latest posts. Thanks.

4 comments:

mamasita said...

O Paula..this entry is so spot-on..I know I've married the wrong guy but he has given me a bunch of lovely children..and so I can never steer away.
Hes not a perfect husband and I am not the perfect woman for him..but we can't live without each other. And you know what..we break each other's heart so often!haha

masterwordsmith said...

My dear Datin Mamasita

I LOVE this post cos I can identify with it and with you too :-). I guess we ladies are quite influenced by the Hollywood myth and we hold on to our idea of who is the perfect guy and when the right one comes along, we are still waiting for him...but after 25 years, i know my hubby is the right one for me :-). True - we used to fight so often but after 2 decades haha - the fight also fizzled out and love grew even more :-)...a decision to love, to stay together...

hugs

jonno1951 said...

Paula

I agree with Mamasita that this article is spot on. Like the author said:

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

I have found mine and it has been 34 years now. I will admit that there have been times, homicide would have been justified (I am sure she feels the same) but we get over these little issues (hahaha, I can't believe I am writting "little" but in hindsight they are).

I can tell that your hubby is a good man and I feel you are the dominant partner but as long as you both are loving and giving, your marriage will last even the worst storms. How can the good Lord bless you with two lovely kids and a loving husband if you don't deserve them. I believe that I am the luckiest man living but then I am biased. LOL

Hugs
John

masterwordsmith said...

Dear Uncle John

Very well said! LOL!!! Homicide haha..you have a fantastic sense of humor haha...

Thanks for the kind words re my hubby...he does not read this blog so I am safe. He only reads unplugged LOL so I will definitely let him know what you said.

Indeed we are all blessed...

Take care and more blessings to you!

hugs
paula