Thursday, February 26, 2009

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body - the wrinkles, the baggy eyes and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4:00 am and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50s & 60s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten and I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. I can say "no" and mean it. I can say "yes" and mean it. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day.



Mei Del said...

20 pounds i couldn't find your email address or was that another puzzle to work out came via andrea whatever

masterwordsmith said...

Hi Mei Del,

Yup you got the right answer...

Love your blog!!!


romerz said...

But you don't have to look old :-)

I was involved with Nu Skin about 10+ years ago before they got their license to operate in Malaysia.

Because of politics, the license was delayed and I ran out of steam after 1 year but I still stand by the quality of their products. (I used them for a full year and even my mother remarked that I looked different!)

Recently I was reintroduced to them again (by my wife's friend), this time with a breakthrough product which works wonders!

Its called the 'galvanic spa II'. Being such a internet junkie, I'm sure you can google what it is about. Let me know if you are interested to learn more on a local level.

masterwordsmith said...

Hi Romerz,

Thanks for visiting this blog and for your comment. Ah - now I know the secret to your youthfulness.

Quite a number of my friends use Nu Skin but I have never been approached by them and I have not heard of the Galvanic Sp. Will definitely check up on it.

Sure, I would not mind knowing more abt it. Give me a call whenever you/your wife are free. I lost your number when I emptied my mailbox last month....

Thanks again. Have a great weekend!